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Hey folks....it's good to be writing again. I have gone a while without putting anything down and have missed it. I don't think the reason is lack of inspiration really it's just been interresting. Life has been...."interresting". LOL I shake my head and laugh with true amazment at the roller coaster ride I have been on. Really, it's been up and down, fast like a coaster then at the very end it jolts you to a stop and everything goes really slow till you get off the ride. I can't say that I'm really off the ride yet...there is a long way to go. I say that because I really don't anticipate getting off the ride till Jesus takes me home....oh, won't that be wonderful?...yes, it will be.



I think back to my earlier years (high school mostly) remembering my Mother or my Grandmother, God bless her as they would say how they couldn't wait to be at home wtih Jesus.... Not to be irreverant here, but I really didn't get that all. I mean I had way to many experiences to look forwrad to. Marriage for one. Oh, my I wanted that....to be loved (ya know?)....to have children and raise them to fear the Lord....playing with them at the park pushing them on the swing, reading them stories. I even remember the time that I wanted a career above all of that (lol...I think that lasted maybe a week if that long) wanting to be just like my mother, working hard for people that admired her and looked to her for answers. LOL amazing how God has brought me full circle now.



Life has been interresting. It's been really hard. Don't think I have ever cried as much as I have in the past year. I can also say that God is good and affirm that His mercies are new every morning....interresting. I think if my unbelieving friends were to read that they would shake their heads and wonder what planet I came from or I would get the blank stare with the silent question "what in the world are you talking about"...but maybe you my friend know what I'm talking about. I hope so. Just last week I told a bunch of high school girls that God brings us to the point of being broken so He can change us. We had just heard a message about Peter and how he "wept bitterly" when Jesus looked at him after Peter denied Him, just like Jesus said he would. We talked about that look and we talked about Peters reaction.



I am wondering.....have you wept bitterly? Actually I think I scared those senior high school girls a bit because I asked them the same question and followed with "if not then I hope you will someday"....I think that shocked them a bit. I will tell you my friends that I did not look forward with anticipattion and excitment to the day (or year) that I would weep like that but I do recall praying that God would bring anything in my life that would bring me closer to Him. Like I said ..... I have cried a lot over the past calendar year (2008) and little did I know that God was working on the area in my heart I thought was dealt with and "under control".



Someday I will post my testimony: the story of how God transformed my little life for His big glory but for now I will share that I have learned more about how dependant I need to be on my Father God. One of my favorite worship songs is "He knows my name". Here are the words:



"I have a Father, He knows me by name, He'll never leave me no matter where I go"....and it goes on. That has been very important to me since my father did abandon me (and my mother). Never did I realize that after all these years I would still be dealing with the issues connected with his choice to leave me and my mother alone. Gosh, that still hurts to say that....he chose to leave us. Sitting here crying thinking about that, yes it has a very deep impact on me even at the ripe old age of 43. I might be just really sensitive to some but our Heavenly Father gave our dad's a very specific job: To protect, love and instill courage. I am learning more now how his absence affected me and what I "lacked" because of his choice. 2 Peter 1:3 comes to mind and yes, He has given us everything we need....but it's like I said before. God had a devine plan for our dad's to fulfill and my dad chose to ignore that calling and now I face that abandonment.



So, life is interresting....but God is captivating...so, it's all good :)

I love all my friends so very much.